I was unfaithful.
Aaron was unfaithful.
I selfishly abandoned my responsibilities as a wife and mother, chasing after something that would "make me happy" and only found heartache.
Aaron battled addiction.
I forgot my core values, those instilled in me since birth, those that make me who I am.
Aaron pretended I did not exist and treated me like dirt.
I ran from God, ashamed of what I had become.
Aaron failed to be the spiritual leader God had ordained him to be.
I did not freely give respect to Aaron.
Aaron did not fully love me.
WE gave up on each other.
WE did not fight for each other.
WE failed God and each other.
That list does not even take into account all the other drama, fights, hurt feelings, slammed doors, tears, nightmares, doubts, nights spent sleeping as far apart from each other as possible, loneliness, fear. Simply put, that list is only words, our lives were miserable for quite some time.
However, we have spent the last two years desperately trying to crawl our way back to each other. It is only through God's grace and mercy that we did not self-destruct and our marriage implode on itself with nothing left to salvage. Actually, that is probably exactly what happened. "We are free to choose, but we are not free from the consequences of those choices." We have dealt with the backlash from each misguided choice we have ever made.
Standing here, two years later, I can honestly say I never thought we would still be together, and happy! Now, of course the scars are still there. And of course we are still dealing with our failures concerning each other, but my God is bigger than anything we can throw at Him. My God has shown us favor, even in the midst of our self-made storms. My God has changed me in ways I cannot begin to describe to you. My God has shown me that the only true happiness comes from daily relationship with Him.
And that is why I smile. That is why you cannot break my mood. That is why I'm happy. Because we have been to the other side, the dark side. We have been and we are walking hand-in-hand back through it. We have each other back.
A cardiologist that I work with once asked me, "Why are you smiling? It's Saturday and you are here (the hospital, working)."
And this is all I could think to say:
Because I'm happy!
The way these people are dancing, that is how I feel like dancing every day. I value each moment in my life, because not too long ago I almost gave up these moments. Not too long ago I would have walked away and not been given the chance to make these memories.
Psalm 34: 1-7
I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad, oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.
The looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them.
So, please excuse my happiness, but I have too much to be thankful for not to be!
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