Cease from anger

I have to be honest, I was struggling with this last night.

Let me set the scene: I work three days in a row per week, thirteen hour shifts. I leave at 6 am and do not set foot in the house until at least 8 pm, on average.  I love my job. It fulfills me in ways I wish that everyone could be by doing what they love. But, my job is taxing. Mentally, emotionally and even physically sometimes. Caring for the sick, the wounded, the mentally unstable, the frustrated, the depressed, it wears on you. I love it, but my profession requires giving of one's self.

I have been sick (congestion, sinus pressure, cough, ear ache, etc) for two weeks now. My son, my sweet, adorable, happy, baby boy had this for two weeks before that. So, in the last month I do not think I have slept more than two hours consistently at night. I am exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Last night, Tuesday, just as on all Tuesdays, I could not wait to get home and start my time off. The hot shower was calling my name, the fluffy cocoon of the bed pillows and covers were competing for my attention. And I get a text from my husband as I am walking to the car, "I'm going to try and go to bed early". BOOM. Good feelings gone. I could feel the tension creeping up from my toes as I tossed this around in my head.

"But I am the one who has to get up in the night with the baby. But I am the one who has worked almost 40 hours in three days. But I am the one who has been sick and I am tired and all I want to do is get a steamy shower and curl up in bed and sleep for 15 hours. BUT I....!!!!"

And it ruined my night. I had a bad attitude walking in the door, though still pleasant, but could feel that tension curling around every word. And as I laid in bed (after a quick shower and a 30 minute struggle with Brayden to go to sleep), all I could think was, "How many times have I used the word I?"

What about Aaron? He wanted to go to bed early because he needed to leave the house at 4:30 am to be at work by 5. Not to mention the fact that he has worked his butt off the last two weekends working a side job. He deserves an extra hour of sleep too to prepare for his work week.

Yes, we should take care of ourselves. Yes, we need rest and relaxation. Yes, our spouses should help and be considerate and all of that. But I was concerned only with myself and my needs and felt that they superseded those of anyone else. I was quick to anger and who did it hurt? Myself.

Psalm 37:8
Cease from anger and forsake wrath; do not fret- it only causes harm.

What a smack in the face as I was reading this morning. Was it really worth ruining an evening at home just because I felt my sleep was more important than anyone else's? No.

Lord, please help me to be slow to anger, and put others first. Help me to be sensitive to Aaron's needs and remind me how much I love him when I feel hurt. Help me daily to be a good wife; his companion, his friend and his biggest supporter. Amen.