I remember the first night I met him like it was yesterday. One Sunday night before service. I was looking for Justin Wallace to sit with him and his friends. They were upstairs in the balcony, on the right side, where all of the high school kids were sitting now. He waved me over when he saw me. And there he was. Oh my, he was the cutest guy I had ever seen in my life. Knock the wind out of you, cute. Catch your breath and not know what to say, cute. Make you want to jump across a church pew and commit a sin, cute. Justin introduced us. Aaron Wilson. Oh, what a name...
Later on I would find out that that night Aaron told his mother he was going to marry me. She told him, "Better not put all your eggs in one basket, she's so young!" I'm so glad he did.
August 28, 2003 we went on our first date, two months after I turned 17. The original plan was to wait until I was 18, but we could not stand it any longer. I was in college, so I was an adult now, right? I could definitely make my own decisions. I definitely knew everything and I knew I wanted that man!
We talked about marriage from the very beginning. We just knew that we knew that we knew; a feeling deep in your gut, deep in your bones. We knew we wanted to spend every single day together for the rest of our lives. On June 10, 2004, two days after I turned 18, Aaron and I stood huddled together in my bathroom staring at two pink lines on the first of three pregnancy tests.
We got married October 1, 2004 and Abigail was born January 19, 2005. Two of the happiest days of my life. Ignorantly blissful. We were living our happily ever after.
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I have compiled a list of 10 things that I would tell my 18 year old self, if I could.
#10- Pick your battles. You are going to have many arguments over your life together so pick them wisely. Is it really worth spending 24 hours being mad at each other over whether or not you washed the leftover toothpaste out of the sink after you're done brushing your teeth? Make the arguments count, it is not worth it in the grand scheme of things.
#9- You fell in love with Aaron and you married him, as is. Don't try to change him to fit whatever you think he should be. He drinks coffee every single morning, then he handles his man "business" in the bathroom. Then he leaves the dirty coffee cup beside the coffee maker and what is left after he takes a sip will drip down the side and land at the junction between the counter and the cup making the cup stick to the counter. He will do this regardless and will do it every. single. day. He did this before he met you and he will do this the entire time you are married. Get over it. Just put the cup in the dishwasher and wipe off the sticky coffee mess. Then refer back to #10.
#8- Respect Aaron. Yes, his personality is such that he is mellow, laid back, go with the flow. Because of this he can be wishy-washy, impulsive, and flighty. Refer back to #9 and #10 when you have issues with this. But no matter what, respect him. Do not override his decisions and make him feel inadequate. Men need to be respected, but more importantly they need to feel respected by their wives. You will get no where cutting him off at the knees, except destroying his self-respect, self-worth and make him feel like less of a man (you don't want this).
#7- Communicate, communicate, communicate. Aaron cannot read your mind. If something upsets you, tell him. He may hate it and roll his eyes and cringe when you say the dreaded, "We need to talk," but do it anyway, and do it often. Any couple that says they never fight is either lying or keeping secrets and they are more unhappy than they are willing to admit.
#6- Expanding on #7, do not, under any circumstance, use the word "FINE". Are you ok? I'm fine. Is that ok? Fine. No, no, no. You are lying. He is your best friend, do not lie to him. Be honest. If you do not feel comfortable with what he is doing, tell him. If it makes you mad that, in your mind, he ignored you when he sat down on the couch and did not immediately put his arm around you or reach for you, tell him. And then refer back to #10 and #8.
#5- Watch your tone. No one likes to be talked at. Krista, you have a way of getting an attitude. It is one of your defense mechanisms. But try your best to refrain. It will get nowhere.
#4- Never stop loving on Abi. She needs it. She loves you. Make her feel your unconditional love.
#3- When it comes to priorities, it is God, your husband and your children, in that order. The moment you stop putting them first, you convince yourself you are more important than those you love. That is a no no.
#2- Guard your heart. Do not let anyone, I repeat, ANYONE, tell you that your life is not what you want. Do not be swayed by those who do not understand your life choices and question if you are truly happy. You are, I promise. The grass is NOT greener on the other side.
#1- Just because Aaron is a fun, happy-go-lucky, spontaneous person does not mean that you can't be. You do not have to be serious for the two of you. One day your child will think you are being serious, when in fact you are joking, but she will not get it because, and I quote, "But mommy, you are the serious one, daddy tells the jokes." Enjoy your life and laugh, there will be time for serious and worry later!
I know I said 10, but there is one more and it is extremely important. LOVE ON YOUR HUSBAND. Sex does not equal love or intimacy, but do it, do it often. There is a spiritual and emotional connection when there is intimacy between two people, and there is an emotional and spiritual DISconnect when there is NO intimacy between two people. There will be times in your marriage when it will be hard, you will be stressed, you will be distracted, you will have a million things that you think need your attention. But come together with Aaron, put the world aside and share a moment of sheer oneness. You will be surprised at how it will relieve stress, bring your attention back to the things that matter, and renew the closeness you have with Aaron. Now don't get me wrong, every once in a while there won't be time for that flowery, romantic, slow lovemaking. Sometimes it will just be a quickie in the closet when you are supposed to be getting ready while your mother in law is in the living room with the kids. But that is ok. You will enjoy that too.
The goal is not to never argue, happy all the time, stay married. Do not just be married, be happily married. I promise it will make life way easier, more enjoyable and everyone else will feel the same.
Us, in August, at my mom's wedding, which also happened to be the 10th anniversary of our first date. A wonderful day!
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